Rehabilitation

How Do You Rehabilitate Someone Who Doesn't Need It?

Understanding John's Journey

John's life has been a series of challenges. He was homeless at 15, lost his brother at 19, and spent over 20 years with a woman who cheated and stole from him. Despite these hardships, he made the best of his situation. Every morning, he woke up grateful to be alive and thankful for another day with his children.

In late 2021, John decided to open his own shop to work on cars. This was a dream come true for him. He set his own hours, fixed the cars he loved, and enjoyed the camaraderie of other men who shared his passion. Although the work was physically demanding, often leaving him exhausted, he found joy in it.

In his words, "I was finally happy." However, just six months later, tragedy struck again. From the moment I met him, it felt like a dark cloud loomed over his life. I remember vividly a conversation where we planned a fun weekend, only for him to cancel the night before. At that time, I was somewhat annoyed.

My response was blunt: "Why ask me if you're going to cancel?" He had already canceled a few plans, and I was frustrated. When he finally explained what was happening, I felt compelled to look it up to confirm his story. Tragically, he was telling the truth. His daughter had been arrested for domestic violence against her boyfriend.

The Cycle of Misery

Like any caring father, John paid to get her out and tried to bring her back home. However, she insisted on staying with her boyfriend's family. A few days later, she returned to collect her belongings, and that’s when things escalated. During this visit, John faced "strangulation" from his daughter.

When I saw her Facebook post calling him the "biggest pos," it took everything in me not to comment. At that point, I had only known him for five months. That night, I finally understood the weight he carried. I told him, "I'm sorry, I swear you have a black cloud following you." He laughed, saying, "I don't know what I did wrong in a past life to deserve any of this."

Everyone has some form of drama in their lives, but John's was overwhelming. I don't want to pat myself on the back, but I will. I don’t want to say John gave off red flags because he didn’t. It was his situation—his greedy wife, selfish daughter, and chaotic work life. It was just too much to handle.

The Emotional Toll

I should have left. I should have been honest and told him that this was too much for me. Yet, every time we were together, I saw glimpses of comfort, peace, and happiness. His eyes told a story. I could sense when he felt defeated and when he was excited about life. It’s hard to describe. Have you ever looked into someone’s eyes and felt their soul? No? Okay, maybe I am a little crazy!

During my last visit, John was broken, defeated, and angry. He saw no light at the end of the tunnel, and I couldn’t blame him. I struggled to see it too, but I felt God protecting me from the negativity surrounding him. I even had a panic attack during the visit, feeling like I might have to leave because I couldn't stop hyperventilating. It was something he said that shattered me.

I eventually calmed down, but when I got to my car, the anxiety flared up again. Just the thought of leaving him there, without peace or comfort, was unbearable. Every time I leave, a part of me dies inside.

The Flaws in the System

John made a poignant observation during our visit: "This isn't rehabilitating; it's making me worse." Our prison system is flawed, and we have the audacity to ask why we have repeat offenders. I consider myself somewhat normal—a law-abiding citizen, a bit mouthy, but overall respectful. Imagine me in a prison with 2,400 other women. Would I survive? I can’t even handle being around five other women.

Some people weren’t raised the way we were. They may have lived in environments where they had to urinate outside, eat from trash, or spit on floors. Adjusting to that life is unimaginable. Hundreds of men confined in one space, each with different upbringings, habits, and flaws. Can you fathom being somewhat normal and suddenly having a schedule for everything? When to use the bathroom, when to eat, when to talk on the phone, when to take your medications?

Sure, they offer programs in prison, but it seems the only ones who sign up are those looking for "good" days knocked off their sentences. Are their intentions pure? I would say no. How do you rehabilitate someone who didn’t come in needing it? How do you expect someone mentally stable to survive among 2,000 other individuals?

The Need for Change

Think about it. How many of us tense up at the grocery store or feel our anxiety spike because there are too many people in the aisle? When that happens, we can turn around and leave. We can adjust, but they can’t.

I often see comments in my prison groups from people who don’t understand the situation: "Don’t be a criminal." But what about those who were caught up at the wrong time and in the wrong place? Those are the individuals I’m referring to. Where’s the rehabilitation for them? Why are they lumped in with the worst of the worst, the repeat offenders?

There is zero benefit to anyone being locked up. It’s inhumane. We need change. We need updated laws and advocates to fight for them. The ODRC is a joke. It’s baffling.

restoring

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.