Sympathy

QUIT FEELING SORRY FOR ME

If for a second you start to feel sorry for me, take a deep breath and remember how amazing God is. I can not express this enough, three months ago I without a doubt had every intentions on being in the psych ward. I didn't think there was a way to survive this, yet here I am surviving the best way I know how.

The hardest days are the one's I have nothing to do, so I am constantly trying to stay busy. Those busy days often turn into me being overwhelmed and sulking in my own self-pity. It is what it is.

I contemplated for awhile how to share our story. I wasn't sure how detailed I wanted to be, but then it dawned on me. People spread lies and rumors that have literally destroyed the lives of others and I'm over here worried about the truth? The truth shall set you free, and in our case it probably won't but i'll be damned if I left other people be heard and not me.

Half of you will disagree with me and the other half will be on the phone after reading a post calling someone local to discuss. I get it, it's human nature. However, while you are discussing my crazy life please make sure you "like, comment, share, and subscribe". I have given every one the opportunity to message me privately, or call me to get the deets. I have never sugar coated anything, and I'm certainly not going to start now. I've always been an open book, some people love it, others hate it.

I have dealt with the most annoying stuff since John's been gone. It's amazing how selfish, greedy, and delusional some people are. The first month was an absolute nightmare, I didn't have time to grieve. We were harassed and threatened, cops were called, messages were sent, and police reports made. An utter nightmare!

I became vendictive, I think I mentioned that in another post. I spent whatever free time I had doing my own "dirty" work. It consumed me in an unhealthy manner. Then one morning I woke up and surrendered. I don't know if God was speaking to me when I was sleeping or how it happened but I quit fixating on things I couldn't control.

I can't say that I'm carefree, but I gave up worrying about every one else and started focusing on the main goal, the TRUTH. I've been going to church weekly and talk to God every chance I get. Instead of wishing harm on others, I now pray for them. Every single night before bed, I pray for each and every one of them. I ask God to heal their hearts, and save their souls from deception.

I still have my days but my nights are worse. That's when the thoughts consume me. I am slowing down at work and focusing more on my family and this fight/journey. Regardless of how wild this gets I will 100% support and advocate for my JM.

Life is wild my friends, but it's also beautiful.