Weekend thoughts

Do you understand what remorse is, the defintion? I often feel like people use the word but have no clue what the meaning is. I'll educate briefly, thanks to google! =)

Remorse: deep regret or guilt for a wrong doing.

During sentencing one of the statements read "you sit here today and have no remorse for what you've done, your ego got in the way". Hold on, my favorite was "I've suffered 25 years from physcial, mental, and emotional abuse and it's finally catching up to you". I actually laughed in the court room when I heard that. I'm not joking, I chuckled and whispered to the person sitting next to me "is this legit". We both laughed.

I looked over at John who had lost 30lbs from the day of the guilty verdict, to April 4th. He looked sick, depleated, confused, almost incoherent. His eyes filled with tears, you could see the remorse all over his face. He wasn't "faking" his emotions, he wasn't upset over prison. The man will never be the same.

When this incident happened two years ago to the date, John suffered tremedous PTSD. He locked himself in his home, every loud noise he jumped, every argument he hid from. I spent the first three months calling counseling facilities as this incident was going to haunt him for the rest of his life. Pulling a trigger and being responsible for the life of another would weigh heavy on anyone with a soul. John was no different.

Two of the local counseling facilities wouldn't accept John because of the incident. One said she needed to consult with her attorney and never returned my call, the other one's took his information but never scheduled an appointment. Two years of NO help from any mental health agency in our area. Two years of not knowing how to process a traumatic event.

John had a stroke in November of 2021. Approximately three months after the incdient took place. I took him to the emergency room after work where he was eventually admitted. They were waiting for a bunch of tests to be done to confirm it wasn't anything more serious than a stroke, an MRI was one. John was greeted by a miserable woman in scrubs who picked him up to take him to radiology for an MRI. There was little conversation on the way and when she brought him to the department, another medical professional read his chart information (name) and said "he's too big we can't do the MRI" and shipped him back to his room.

John knew he was refused the MRI because of relations to the other party, so he instantly wanted to check out of the hospital. I argued with him for 30 minutes but ultinmately he was scared. He was discharged later that afternoon after asking medical to leave. He was scheduled to do an MRI on the mobile machine and had to schedule a few months out.

When we went to that appointment, the medical staff that came to get him from the lobby said "I don't know why you had to come here when the machine in the hospital is the same size, you would have fit"! Really, that confirmed John's suspicion was accurate. So now, he has been refused medical at St. Elizabeth main.

John wasn't aware of the beating he took until his attorney showed him the footage. I'll repeat myself briefly. He took 17 forceful blows to the back of the head, side (ear), and the frontal lobe of the brain. Two kicks to the face, a choke hold, and a jump stomp to the back. Yet upon his arrest he was never offered medical? His recollection of the event was "I remember being punched and I shot my weapon". It wasn't him "covering" things up, it was the trauma of being punched so many times in the head that caused confusion. I can almost guarantee he suffered a severe concussion and had a TBI after the beating he took, but we'll never known because MEDICAL was never an option!

You think I don't know I sound c.r.a.z.y or delusional? Think I don't ask myself "why are you risking everything"? I was always taught to be kind to others, love others, despite who they are or what they are. I have always had a passion for helping the "under" dog, always defended those less fortunate. I don't know how many times I was suspended in HS for fighting other kids for making fun of the one's who had old shoes, or Kmart clothing!

I will fight your 10 year old child if I find out they are "bullying" my 10 year old niece, or any other kid for that matter. I don't care who it is, I have NO tolerance for bullying. I have always followed the "what's right is right" and "what's wrong is wrong" rule. Even if it applies to me. If I did something I shouldn't have, i'll be the first to throw myself under the bus. If someone else does "wrong", I'll be the first to call them out.

I can't do that in this situation, and not because of who John is to me. It's because he genuinelly is NOT guilty of murder or involuntary mansluaghter, not after seeing all the evidence. I'm a pretty good judge of characther, I can smell a snake from a mile away. John isn't a snake, he's one of those truthful men who tell you how it is even if he should refrain from hurting your feelings. John has always been truthful.

John isn't the type of person who would maliciously hurt anyone, he avoids confrontation at all costs. He can't handle arguments, and hates screaming and yelling. Is he perfect, not even close. Does he have flaws, we both do. Is he violent, abusive, hateful, or spiteful? Not even close. Me on the other hand, I'm working on my issues!

I didn't make this post to defend John, I've said in a previous post I will NOT defend his characther as I believe actions speak louder than words. I'm not even sure the point of this post, these are the random thoughts I'm left with when I'm researching or reviewing the case. Maybe I'm posting to defend my charachter, which I'm not necessarily sure I need to do. Those who know the type of person I am, know I am genuine to a fault.

When I started this website, I did it with the purpose of exposing the lies and corrpution of our community. I built this page to advocate for John, because I wholeheartedly believe the political party in MC had an agenda when they charged him. Even after seeing the evidence they knew he wasn't guilty of murder or involuntary murder (remember a few posts back I listed the definition of both). If they truly thought and believed he was guilty of murder and IM they wouldn't have withheld evidence.

If this was a true cut and dry case of murder why was evidence covered and tampered with? Why do we have missing pieces to videos, 18 minutes to be exact. Why was there a staged crime scene, 3 different witnesses statements, missing evidence? I don't know about you but if I was leading an investigation I'd make sure all of my I's were dotted and T's were crossed prior to charging someone. Especially, if I knew it would make me look bad. Ain't no one making me look bad, but ME!

If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, chances are it's a duck. With this case having so many missing pieces, it was definitely an altered case. Not so cut and dry, is it?

My purpose is growing, where is God taking me during this next chapter? Stay tuned!

How many individuals are in prison because "nothing is perfect"? Hmmm....